Deciding Whether to Go North of the Border

Gay marriage is fully legal in Canada and many couples consider whether they should take a trip and legalize their union there. Marrying in Canada can be a terrific way to get recognition of your union and have a formal ceremony. However, unless you live in a state that recognizes gay marriages, your marriage will have no effect on your legal status at home.

Marriage Up in the Air?

If you were married in one of the locales that briefly offered gay marriages and which are now winding their way through the courts, there are several things you should do. First, don't throw away any of your marraige documents in case they are declared legal. Secondly, make plans as if you have no legal marriage in place. This means making sure you and your partner create health care directives, wills, powers of attorney and other documents that will protect you as much as possible.

Adopt Each Other's Children

If you or your partner have children that you have not jointly adopted, you most likely will want to take steps to make sure both of you have equal rights to those children. In many states, you can do what is called a second parent adoption procedure. This is the same procedure that is used by stepparents who adopt their stepchildren. By adopting your partner's child, you can be assured that should something happen to your partner, that you will have legal custody of the child. This also means that if you and your partner break up, you will still be your child's parent and have rights.

Deciding Whether to Legalize Your Union in Another State

If you live in a state that provides no recognition of your union, you might be considering going and getting it formalized in a state that does recognize gay unions, such as Vermont. Doing so can allow you some recognition of your union and allow you to have a recognized ceremony. It's likely your union won't be recognized by your own state though. Should you and your partner separate in the future you will face the difficult decidion of whether you need to travel back to that state (and possibly meet residency requirements) in order to dissolve it. Being joined to your partner may mean you can't legally join with another future partner unless you dissolve this union.

Newspaper Announcements

If you would like to have a wedding announcement published in your local paper, you will most likely find the paper will not do so. Many major papers such as The New York Times, The Washington POst, Chicago Tribune, Boston Globe and others do print same sex union announcements. If you want a local announcement, contact your area gay or alternative paper.

Adult Adoption

You may have heard of some couples using adult adoption to create a legal relationship to each other. This is possible, but doing so revokes your current legal ties to your current parents, including inheritance rights. In some states you need to get consent from your legal parents to revoke their rights. Adopting a partner does give you inheritance rights, but it places one partner in the position of legally being the other's child. If the adopting partner has other children, this places the adopted partner and the children in an equal position.

Domestic Partnership Agreements

A domestic partnership agreement is a written plan for how you and your parnter will share assets and debts, divide household responsibilities, and be legally responsible to each other. A partnership agreement also spells out what will happen if you break up, and while no one wants to think about this when they are joining their lives, it can save you a lot of trouble and heartache later if you have everything spelled out in advance. If one partner's employer offers health insurance benefits to domestic partners, you will probably need to show them a document of this type to qualify for the benefits.

Domestic Partner Health Insurance

If you live in Vermont, Massachussetts and Connecticut, same sex couples are eligible for health insurance benefits. Many companies voluntarily provide benefits elsewhere. However, because the IRS does not consider same sex couples to be spouses, health insurance for a partner is considered to be taxable income for the employed partner.

Hospital Visitation

If you live in a state where your union is not recognized (or even if you live in a state where it is recognized but travel to states where it is not), you and your partner should create hospital visitation authorization forms, giving each other the right to visit each other should you become hospitalized. If you don't, immediate family has rights and can prevent your partner from visiting you.

Basic Documents You Need to Protect Yourselves

Every gay couple should have wills, naming each other as beneficiaries, as well as naming each other as guardians of any children. Health care directives are also essential. A health care directive allows you to name your partner as the person who is authorized to make health care decisions for you, should be unable to do so for yourself. This document also specifies the type of medical care you do and do not want to receive, including life sustaining treatment. The third essential document you should have is a power of attorney authorizing your partner to handle any of your legal, financial, or business affairs. You make this authority effective immediately, or structure it so that it becomes active only when you are incapacitated. Hospital visitation authorizations will ensure you are able to visit each other in the hospital.

Brette will be presenting at the Connecticut Coast Writer's Retreat in Milford, CT Sept 22-23. Look for her soon to be released books: Gay and Lesbian Medical Rights (Dec, 2006), The Essential Supervisor's Handbook (Feb, 2007) and The Everything Guide to Pregnancy Over 35 (fall, 2007).

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